The Practical Soul

Best Christmas Ever!

Best Christmas Ever!

I’ve seen so many magazine articles in recent weeks promising the best ever Christmas….if I buy this or follow this step by step plan or do it the Delia way, I’ll have the best Christmas ever. Debenhams are advertising Christmas as designed by Debenhams…that’s getting close to blasphemous. 

I want to charge into the highly commercialised middle of it all and ask ‘Best ever according to whom exactly?’

I remember one year doing it the Delia way.  I’d decided I’d do the whole shebang.  Full traditional Christmas dinner with knobs on.  This was going to mean bringing a total of 10 things to the table at the same time all cooked and hot just for the main course alone, which was double my previous record of 5.  I was too scared to add in starters and pudding.  Some advice was needed and Delia and Good Housekeeping magazine were surely better qualified than anyone for the job.

I read through her carefully timetabled Christmas day plan some weeks ahead feeling relaxed and confident that Delia wouldn’t steer me wrong and even if it did mean turning up in the kitchen at the crack of dawn with my Christmas outfit and lippy already on (as there’s no time for bathing and preening in this schedule), I was still looking forward to it.

It wasn’t long before I realised I was going to need Gordon Ramsay’s veg peeling and chopping speeds to keep up with the schedule and by the time the 5 minutes allocated for ‘sipping a glass of sherry and opening presents with the family’ arrived I was seriously stressed, more than a couple of hours behind schedule and giving estimates of 8pm for eating lunch.

Safe to say, the Delia year doesn’t go down as my best ever.

It’s taken me many years to shake off the media version, or indeed anyone else’s version, of what a good Christmas looks like.

It’s been the most sagely of gentlemen, Thomas Moore, that has been my saviour.  He doesn’t do Christmas catering schedules but he did say this which I’ve been finding most wise council for pretty much anything, Christmas included.

“We have to decide for ourselves what’s nourishing to our souls, and do those things over others”.

Oh now!  What do you think?  Do we like Thomas?  Oh we do, we do!  I know he wasn’t talking about Christmas specifically but I think it applies very well don’t you?

With fresh eyes, am I, to Christmas delivered! (in sagely style you pronounce that last word deliver-red).

If you were to cast your eye over your Christmas, or prospective Christmas to be, to what extent do you find are you doing things that are nourishing to your soul?

I have already had my own, best ever Christmas, crafted to perfection from the things that were truly be nourishing to my soul that year.

That particular Christmas I had only myself to think of.  My son was with his Dad and both my parents departed.  My everyday life was filled in the daytimes with work and lots of people, followed by cooking quickly and clearing up before helping my wee man with any homework and then straight onto bath time and bedtime stories before getting back to housework, paying bills and then preparing for work the next day again.

When I thought about what I’d really like, I realised I’d be happy staying at home by myself, in my PJ’s all day eating mashed potato.  I knew that a must was to have no rushing at all, really nice food, but little or no cooking, time to savour everything and quiet and stillness in abundance. 

It was pure peace, full of savoured moments, with absolutely no stress whatsoever.  It was bliss and it went like this……….

I had one very dear and lovely friend over to stay for a couple of days. No crowds, no constant jabber and endless rounds of cooking, feeding, clearing up just in time to start again.

We got up when we woke naturally, no alarm, no turkey deadlines to meet, just allowing ourselves to sleep till we’d had all the sleep we needed.

Dressing gowns on, we got the fire going and got all cosy in the living room, and brought in the present opening refreshments…champagne and proper Scottish smoked salmon.

Present opening was luxurious.  One at a time, taking turns, we opened, admired, played with, listened to, drew a big deep breath of, sampled and fully appreciated each present.   

I had no idea what time it was and no need of knowing. 

More luxury Moddom?  Oh yes please.  Sinking into a divine smelling bath, big deep breaths of Caleche (my favourite perfume by Hermes), slathering on equally divine body lotion and feeling just gorgeous.

We were ready for some fresh air by then and to stretch our legs.  Lovely crisp air with some wonderful warm soft powdery Caleche wafts.  Meanwhile, the best sausages in the world tended to themselves in the oven.

We brought our glowing cheeks, stretched legs and nicely developing appetites back for sausages and mash followed by mince pies and brandy butter.  Just delicious.  Not so much food we couldn’t walk and barely any clearing up to do.  A bit of a curl up on the sofa with some port and cheese much later.   Peace, ease and luxury!

It stands unbeaten as my best Christmas ever for doing just what I needed at the time.  Let’s hear it for, at the very least, low stress and better still soulful Christmases.

 

Sculpt and craft your own best ever, no-one’s version but your own.

Would you like lots of people around, a few, one, none?

Would you like to be quiet, raucous, still, playing games, dancing?

At home, in the Alps, on the beach, at Grandmas?

Will you travel far and wide, some, none, in style, in a plane, train, car, on a sledge?

Are you feasting big-time, your table groaning under the weight of many, many platters, or dream of just a sliver of truffle on your handmade papardelle and the best Chablis you can lay your hands on?

Want to go and sing your little heart out at midnight mass?

Present opening in bed?

Want to wait till everyone’s arrived and then decorate the tree together like you did when you were tiny?

Or does none of it matter a bit, so long as you get to sit in front of a real fire talking for an hour or so with your old Dad?

How close is the actual Christmas you’ve got coming up, to your ideal, soul nourishing one?

Are you doing things because you’re telling yourself you have to, out of duty but grudgingly?

A grudging Christmas?  Hmmm, not doing it for me either.

Liberate yourself, and your family and friends too, from grudgingly doing anything this year.

Gather up all those that will be with you this year, let everyone describe their best bits, the bits that make Christmas for them, get creative and see how many can be accommodated if maybe someone was happy to come early to make all the beds, or are more than happy to stay sober to drive Mum to church at midnight on Christmas eve…. everyone getting at least their most favourite bit.

Once you get clear about what it would take to make it low stress for you it’s not usually beyond the wit of man to come up with how to do that.

Want lots of company and all the family together but without being a galley slave for the duration?

I know one family who each arrive on the day with a major contribution, one travelling the length of the county with a hot turkey taking up most of the back seat of the car, another all the veg and trimmings, another the starter and pudding, another all the wine and other drinks. The house hosts make the beds, the fires, the games, the music, the crackers and lay the table.  Once there, they stay another day or so and take it in turns to make meals and clear up so it’s all shared out, some like doing it on their own for a bit of quiet and others in pairs for a proper catch up.

Want to have everyone round but to have more harmony than arguments and moaning then how about signing up to this.

 

Make no complaint without suggestion.

If you need to come up with a suggestion before complaining about something, and have agreed not to complain at all if you can’t come up with a do-able suggestion, it can do wonders for your holiday atmosphere. 

So, if everyone’s yacking away, the TV’s on and there are radio noises too, drifting in from another room, the moaning version could come out as

“What a racket, I can’t think in all this noise”

The ‘no complaint without suggestion’ version might translate into;

Would anyone object if we closed this door to keep the radio to the other room?

Or

“Would anyone like to join me for a quiet walk for half an hour?”

Or

“I think I’m going to take half an hour’s quiet, in my room with my book”.

If something you dearly wanted to eat or drink has been forgotten but all the shops are closed and you can’t think of another way of getting some then you’d just

‘Hud yer weesht’ (hold your quiet or keep one’s mouth shut) as they say where I come from. 

   

Soul nourishing best ever Christmases……sculpt away.  Do let me know what makes up a soul nourishing Christmas for you and just how creative you’ve been to bring it about. e-mail me

Go Well

Pauline

Nobody sees a flower, really

Nobody sees a flower, really, we haven't time and to see takes time, like having a friend takes time.

Georgia O' Keefe, Artist

Another reminder, again from The National Trust series of cards, of the things that keep us connected to our souls, or at least let us drop the exterior for a bit to give it a chance to breath.

The photo this time is from my garden this summer.  Just when I thought it was all over for my clematis for the year it sprang a surprise second blooming, quite quite perfect and all the more appreciated for the surprise.

If you click on the photo it should reward you with a larger version for you to 'really see' it if you would like a moment with nature in your day.

Rest is not idleness

Rest is not idleness, and to lie under the trees, watching the clouds floating by, is not a waste of time.

Sir John Lubbock, Naturalist

This quote has found its way to me twice in one week, once in the great 'Higher Awareness' daily e-mails I'm subscribed to and then on a very lovely 'National Trust' card I was buying for my cousins birthday on Friday. 

So I'm paying attention and checking myself out....am I doing enough lying and watching the clouds floating by?

My son is great at this and he used to spend a fair bit of time encouraging me to do the same.  I think his energy for encouraging me is waning now though.....more often than not met by a long list of what I need to do before I can lie down and watch the clouds or that programme.  He's come to know that I'm busy most of the time.

Are you busy most of the time? How long could you imagine stopping and staring at the clouds for? 

I wonder how to break the 'just keep going' habit? 

After much thought I've come to the conclusion that maybe this time it's a case of   'Just do it'

Particularly now, as we nudge over into December and for many face a time of near frenzy ....... shopping, spending, organising, cooking ahead, cooking now, card writing, house decorating, bed making for guests, and all that as well as the day job.

To save our souls during this time.....what better than a period each day of watching the clouds go by.

Can't see it?  Just do it.

Stop it

Stop.  Let your shoulders sink down to somewhere lower than your earlobes, and find yourself something to stare at that you can lose yourself in (without getting arrested).

If the pebbles do it for you, stare at the screen or print them off.  If you double click on the image (fingers crossed) you'll get a larger version.  Or maybe one of the photos on another post. 

If you can lose yourself here at the screen go right ahead, if not, why not take a printed version somewhere away from your desk, maybe outside (not to stand with all the smokers out the front though), maybe to a tree, maybe to your car or if these phenomena still exist, an empty meeting room.

How much peace would you like?  5 minutes where you've given yourself permission to be at peace?  Longer?  20 minutes?   

Are you telling yourself you can't spare 20 minutes?   Are you telling yourself you can't spare 5?

I can think of very few scenarios (ticking bomb diffusing aside) where 5 minutes out would be a real problem.  You're a conference speaker in minute two of a five minute slot...yes, you're running a training programme with a 5 minute exercise brief to give ...yes

But sitting at your desk, working away, getting down your list, thinking things through in a run of the mill day and still telling yourself you haven't the time?

If you're in the flow of something, great, don't stop the flow, but right now as you're reading this, where are your shoulders and how much would you love 5 minutes peace!?

Go, go now, print and run....have a ball!

Hard Work!

 I've been thinking.  Does it have to be hard work to be valued?

If, in your mind, it does need to be hard work , it's a sure sign that in this matter you have not put your soul in charge of operations and it may have given up on you and slipped out the back for a night out and left you to slog away living with your 'must be hard work' decision.

I've been considering myself a nicely aligned soul in this matter till I caught myself fretting about not having written a new practical soul blog post for ages.  Telling myself that I really 'should' be posting every day or other day at the least.

WHAT was I thinking!?  Any clients using the word should find out that it takes only milliseconds for the 'should' alarm to sound.

Who are you listening to?  Who says you should?  What about your own choice?  What about your natural rhythms?  Just who is it that's in charge of what you 'should' do?

But there I was 'shoulding' myself with the best of them. When I looked to find out who says, it was an old old corporate image of hours served in a day, of quantity of hours present being the measure of commitment and willingness.

Of measurement through results, not hours spent, being bandied about as the way it was but that wasn't actually enough when it came down to it.  Anyone leaving before 7 heckled as a part timer (and part timer wasn't a compliment).

So this time, when I lovingly attended to my natural rhythms and to other non blog matters that were uppermost and important, out came that very old fear of being seen to be ..                         to be.....whatever...productive, prolific, hard working.......EEEK!  Get it off me!  I thought I'd let go of that one a LONG while back.

I've been doing some personal development work that requires much inner work, meditation, connecting with your soul and more (she said, hoping she's not sounding like she's beggining to attempt to justify the lack of blog posts).

It's alright, there is a point to my telling you this story, it's not a justification.

So, this inner work has really taken it out of me (no, no violins) and so afterwards it would have been ideal to rest.  Did I!  Instead I'd struggle on and get back to my list...that neverending list of things that need doing.

Until one night I was so pooped I just lay down on the sofa.  I don't think I could have lifted my legs had the house been burning down around me. My son wanted me to come to the computer and see some art he was getting all excited about, something which I'd normally be over there like a shot to see. He had to unplug the laptop and bring it over to me.

Well...the point being (finally, thanks for your patience), on reflection, I really liked it that the decision about whether to rest had been taken out of my hands and pinned me like a great weight to the sofa. I was resting, like it or not.

On further reflection I get more than a bit scared that that's what it took before I sat down and stayed that way.  So I've been teaching my body that if it needs rest it has to disable me. It can't trust me to rest when I need to because that old 'have to be hardworking' message has still got a hold.

Oh no. That's not good.  New message planting required and fast. 

I'm very grateful to have caught myself at it....and to be taking myself in hand. 

Stop trying so hard, stop forcing myself, if it's not a pleasure why am I doing it?

If I'm having to force myself, I know my soul's not in charge, who is dictating terms here?  The dictator won't like it at all but let's get a second opinion on that.

I hope you're loving what you're doing, doing it with ease and are positively sprightly having looked after yourself and your up time, down time balance well.

If not, have you asked lately who it is that's dictating terms?  And giving no longer than a nanosecond's thought to ousting the dictator.

Go well!

PS.  This one's for Lydia who helped oust my dictator.

 

 

Write your own signposts

   *NEW*  * NEW*  * NEW*   *NEW*

Practical Soul Coaching could be for you if you are not 100% in love with your life.

A blank signpost ready for you to write it how you'd like it.

How much of your life is of your choosing?  To what extent is your soul in charge?

Nothing will flatten you faster than the soul draining habits of living from fear and trepidation, doing what your ego suggests or even what your mother in law suggests when it doesn't match with what your soul suggests.

How much of the way you live your life are from your soul's suggestions and how much from other's suggestions?

Is it high time your soul was back in charge, the author of your life and the signposts showing you the way to go?

If it is, and you know just what to do about it, excellent. Great stuff.

Do share what you're doing here at the blog.  Be an inspiration with your 'Putting my Soul Back in Charge' stories.

If it is time to put your soul back in charge, but you don't quite know how or just don't want to go it alone and know you'll need encouragement when you flagging, then I might have just the thing. 

Practical Soul Coaching provides encouragement and understanding when you're flagging, structure and direction when you're lost and holding to account when you're wriggling off the hook.

It's proven to be good for:

Stressed out Souls.  Overwhelmed, frazzled and needing more calm in daily life.

Weary Souls.  Bored, fed up, flat.  Wanting to feel passionate about something again.

Lost Souls. Still with years and years of working life to come, knowing for sure it has to be more purposeful and fulfilling than it is now. But having little or no idea at all what it will be.

Structured or unstructured ways to work

Save Our Souls  This is a three month focused look at your soul and your life. Good for those wanting to give things a concentrated kick start.

Each month there's one 60 minute session, homework and a follow up 30 minute session working on the priority issues for you.

Pay up front £250.  Book one months dates in advance. 

Free Soul  This is an unstructured way of working that will suit you if you like the freedom to have as many or as few sessions as you wish in a tailor made programme.

Pay as you go. £ 60 per one hour session, generally booking a few session dates in advance.

Also available,  gift vouchers for birthdays or Christmas or just because you know there's no gift they'd love more than a life with their soul back in charge.

For more information call me on 01462 484936 or e-mail paulineesson@thepracticalsoul.com

Half term

Is it half term for you too?

How's it going?  It's bikes and walks and unexpected brilliant sunshine (the forecast was rain all week) with us.

Bracing...the days have a great brisk, clear energy about them.

Just perfect, I find, for a preliminary autumnal life stocktake.

Lifted by the sunshine but without the sultry energy sapping heat of the summer.  A brisk air keeping thinking sharp and clear.

What proportion of your life currently, do you spend doing what you love?

Of course I think that ANY time spent doing things you don't love is a criminal waste of time.  Unless you love being miserable then of course you're happy but we can't tell to look at you. 

Autumn is a good thinking time.  Like in the garden, as I tidy it up ready to sleep for the winter and look at where the gaps are, what I want to put there, anything I want to remove for whatever reason what I want there instead next year. My garden I started from scratch two years ago and it's taking shape.  In November I plan to plant a tree or two so the landscape will be quite different next year.

Same questions for the shape of life

Are there gaps?  What would I like there?

Anything I want to move, remove or change?  What do I want there instead?

I'll feed the soil with great quantities of manure so the ground is fertile.

I'm planning some additions to my work landscape too, some new business partners, new coaching offers and a website to provide all the information about coaching.

All the information that stays still unlike on the blog where it's new thoughts every day or so.

There's nothing I plan to remove or do very differently...mostly additions this year and so autumn/ winter will be building and growing.

How about yours?

At the cinema

It used to be, that when you went to see a film at the cinema, or went to the theatre, someone with a torch would meet you at the door and show you the way to your seat. That's maybe more than was needed as I am able to read the numbers and letters on the seats and find my own way, but once the lights have gone down and I'm in the dark, have maybe never been to this theatre before then it is quite nice to have some help to save knocking shins and tripping down up steps.

Now, if the lights have already gone down, you have to find your own way in the dark.

How much of life is like that now.  Cutbacks in pretty much all resources that support you in doing your job, in getting your crashed computer up and running again and increases in the work to do with less support.  I'm not one for reducing the challenges that stretch, stimulate and grow you but I'm certainly not for reducing the support either.

How much help, support, guidance, training is available or more importantly do we allow ourselves to ask for.  A mentor or coach, a colleague, the boss...is it OK to ask? 

A friend's young son wouldn't go to swimming lessons and it was a mystery why for quite some time until eventually he admitted that he wouldn't go because he couldn't swim.  He thought he had to be able to do it already.  He felt ashamed at his lack and didn't want to turn up and show it in public.  Quite an obstacle to getting help or learning.

How much pressure do you feel, real or imagined, to be able to do things or know the way already without any usherette (that's what they used to be called isn't it?) to shine a light so you can see the way.

What are you struggling with at the moment?

Wouldn't it be nice, well more than nice, a huge relief, to have someone who wouldn't judge your lack of knowing the way and who you could talk it through with and let some light be cast on the matter?

Who can you talk it over with?  Might be just a minute over their desk, might be a half an hour or so over a coffee or an hour on the phone with a coach, but don't struggle on alone.

Allow yourself freedom from struggle.

If you'd like to find a coach that needn't be a struggle either, if you e-mail me I can help you with that. Click on the e-mail me line under my photo or click here paulineesson@thepracticalsoul.com

May you struggle no more today.   

What did you say you'd like?

Today, have your eye on what you would like. 

Take all your energy and visualise what it is you'd like.  For you, for your friends, family and colleagues and for the world.

Anything you don't want coming into focus....turn it around...what would you like instead?   Then focus again on your vision of how you'd like it.

It's a very auspicious day for this.  Don't ask...just do it.

The Joy of Clearing Part 2

Some concerted clearing effort later.  Files do take some sorting but what a great start. 

You can click on the pictures to see a bigger version.

More to come...watch this space