The Practical Soul

Sweet Darkness

Sometimes things go flat.  Or dull, lacking sparkle.  Sometimes this lasts for a while....or longer and fear can rise up in you ....I'm done...good for nothing......can't think of what I was good for in the first place.....

another fear can arise.....a fear of allowing the flat time....if I do I may never get out of bed or wash my hair again....

I read this David Whyte poem today that puts so beautifully how that flat, dark time can be just where the answer lies to your coming alive again.

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired

the world is tired also.

When your vision is gone

no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark

where the night has eyes

to recognise its own.

There you can be sure

you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb

tonight.

The night will give you a horizon

further than you can see.

You must learn one thing.

The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds

except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet

confinement of your aloneness

to learn

anything or anyone

that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

Looking for peace

                                                            

Are you low on peace, quiet and stillness at the moment?

Very busy working, your mind constantly occupied with problems and in great need of some restorative peace?  The usual ways of getting away from it all for a moment, not hitting the spot anymore?

I offer you this leaf to lose yourself in. It was taken in one of the greenhouses at Cambridge Botanical Gardens just after Easter and though it was a cloudy day and all the other plants around took on the grey clouded light of the day, this one seemed to be lit up from within. Now there's something.......being illuminated when all around is grey.

I didn't take this photo myself, credit goes to Howard for this one, and much credit for that eye to see what others may overlook and to capture it so beautifully.

If you click on the image it will bring up a larger version, all the better for appreciating the light.

Have you had a minute to lose yourself now?

Did your mind become still for a moment?

Did you get a moments peace from the problems whirring round?  If so, congratulations....there's one moments peace. Feel free to come back anytime for as many moments as you like.  There's some other photographs in earlier posts you might lose yourself in, stones, trees and a spectacular sunflower.

If you're serious about having some more moments of peace there's a myriad of other ways to get yourself a moments peace which I'll drop in here from time to time but if you're looking for more than just a moments peace, a longer term sustaining kind of peace as the basis for your life, but are lost as to how to get it, there are some fantastic free resources available now.

I highly recommend Eckhart Tolle's book 'A New Earth' and way better than just reading the book, at the moment Eckhart and Oprah! are presenting a weekly web class covering the book's content chapter by chapter and answering questions from viewers. It's an amazing opportunity to see Eckhart without waiting for him to tour and pay to attend one of his lectures. I last saw him in London years ago and the whole hall was transfixed by him.

You have to buy the book but the web classes are free.

For the classes just go to oprah.com, click on the 'New Earth' tab and 'catch up on past classes' (the windows media version has been working well for me).  You can 'watch it now' or 'download and take it with you'.

You can watch it live every Monday evening, but it's live at a civilised US eastern time, and about 2am in the UK....maybe if you can't sleep??? though I think you need to sign up as an oprah book club member to watch them live.

Each class lasts one and a half hours which is more than just a moment to invest, I grant you, but when I consider how easy it is to lose an hour and a half in front of the TV, it's suddenly nothing at all and much better for my peace than indiscriminate TV one night a week.

May peace be with you..at least for a moment.

   

Something beautiful to meditate on

If you're frazzled but can't get out to let nature smooth some balm on your frazzle, here's some nature to meditate on right here at your desk.

You can click on the picture to get a larger version if you'd like.

The picture was taken in Tuscany by a very dear friend of mine just the other week.  We'd be delighted to hear what it's done for you.

Is your body ill or is it that your soul's sick?

Healing

I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.

And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly that I am ill.

I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self

and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only

time can help

and patience, and a certain kind of repentance

long, difficult repentance, realisation of life's mistake,

and freeing oneself

from the endless repetition of this mistake

which mankind at large has chosen to sanctify.

D.H. Lawrence

Too, too busy

Too busy to notice March wheegch by....  oh dear oh dear

Well, it's done now and since we're here, a very Happy Easter to you.

I got busy, wheegched along, and here we are. We've reached Easter and I haven't written the promised update on Natural Ryhthms.  What happened there then!? 

Some more new coaching clients, taking two new courses myself, exploring possible new work projects and hosting some Spanish exchange trip students were the main things taking up more of my time than usual during March.

Actually, when it's down in writing like that, it seems hardly surprising that writing got squeezed out.  And I've been giving myself quite a hard time about that.. hmm.....a little better now.

Apologies then, for the missing update.

So now, the new clients continue, the courses are reaching a conclusion, all done by the end of April, new ventures explored and continuing and the Spanish students are safely back home in Spain.  Slivers of time to write are appearing again.

There is another reason why I've not written up the results of the Natural Rhythms experiment.  I found the results of the week to be inconclusive and rather than cobble together half a theory in order to write, when I suggested I might, I decided to clear another week and do some more research.

More research week is w/c 16th April, next week.

Last time, I tried to keep the week truly clear of appointments, but I did end up buckling under requests for coaching sessions..... and other meetings so in the end there wasn't a day that didn't have an appointment in it. 

This time, the week is completely free and clear and I'm hoping for clear and unadulterated results coming soon. Watch this space.

You don't actually have to watch this space, checking the blog to see whether I've written up the results yet, you can take advantage of the clever sign up in the right hand column of the blog and you'll get an e-mail when there's news.

The week I put my body in charge

This is the week!

It's the week I'm putting my body in charge.  I'd like to hear what it has to say about how I'm living my life and what it would do differently given the chance.  Now it has its chance.

I'm imagining it'll have some things to say about the amount of sleeping, eating, resting, exercising and sitting quietly I do and I'm open to hearing from it on any other topics as well.

I'm looking to uncover my natural rhythms and see how close to or far away from my adopted habits they are.

The ways my body will be in charge

I'm going to go to sleep when my body tells me I'm tired, rather than stay up and socialise or finish e-mails

I'm going to allow my body to wake up naturally in the morning when it's had enough sleep rather than set an alarm

I'm going to eat when my body tells me it's hungry rather than when it's lunchtime or others have arrived to join me

Exercise is a bit different for me as I don't believe I've ever received a signal from my body telling me it would like to exercise.  With this one I'm going to do what I had planned and watch closely for signs.  Signs of ease telling me it's OK to keep going and signs of distress telling me to slow down or stop.

I tend to get frazzled if I don't take enough time quietly on my own, either reading, thinking about a client or meditating. I'll watch for signs of frazzle and whether it's due to lack of quiet.

There's other things I know contribute hugely to the wellbeing of my soul and I'll keep an eye on those too

Order, beauty and good smells in my home (I work here too so doubly important) A balance of stillness and movement

Pleasure and fun, I can tip over into work, work, work, very easily and become dull without noticing

Talking of pleasure,  I drink wine (one - three glasses) and coffee (one cup) most days and plan to continue with these pleasures.  They are for pure pleasure and not imbibed in order to get my body to do things it wouldn't do without them, like wind down or stay awake so I can drive or finish a piece of work.  I know they'll have an impact on my rhythms and I'm going to accept that distortion.

So....I've begun, my body is in charge and I'm listening.

I'll note down what it asks for and how far that is from what I'd have done.  I hope it's not too far!

I'll report the findings through the week.  Now...time for wine.....

Natural Rhythms

Hello.  How’s 2007 going for you so far?
A rich and fertile new year, each moment ripe, luscious, full of promise and lived with zest and relish? 

Or is it closer to the other end of the spectrum, a bit grey and tired?  Weather a bit grey, skin a bit grey, system a bit groggy and tired?

No problem, eat this superfood and get vibrant in a day! 

Wow.  When did we develop expectations of year round vibrancy and verve, with no allowances for the natural ebb and flow of things?   From people who make products that will help us get that way maybe.

We’re totally accepting of plants and animals having natural rhythms, growth periods and dormant periods.  We happily indulge their hibernation.
Trees can drop their leaves and do apparently nothing for months without us being on their case to produce.  When new shoots arrive in the Spring we’re delighted to see them.  We don’t say ‘About time!  How long does it take to produce a few shoots.  What have you been doing all winter?’

But ourselves?  Alas we seem to be far less accepting of our own natural rhythms.
Or rather we’re very accepting of the flowing, not so of the ebbing, seeing tiredness as a problem to be overcome rather than a signal from our wise bodies advising us to rest.

Do you agree to lots of social things that all sound great and you really want to do but them when the time comes you just don’t have the energy and either crawl your way through and don’t enjoy them or end up canceling and feeling bad?  It seems our body just goes right ahead and organises our ‘ebbing times’ regardless of our plans and we go right ahead and fill our diaries regardless of our bodies plans.

Do you keep working late to finish ‘just this piece of work’, telling yourself you’ll get back to normal hours after this, but then another priority arrives, working late becomes normal, time at home drops down the priority list and before you know it ‘ebbing time’ is barely there?
   
I know very few people who know what their natural rhythms are and fewer still who pay attention to them and work their lives according to this precious wisdom.

I’ve tended to adopt timetables.  Working hours that are culturally acceptable, school hours and social habits and flex myself to accommodate them without giving a whole lot of thought to my own rhythms.
The size of the gap between our natural rhythms and our adopted timetable determines how much we will need to flex and ignore or alter our bodies in order to continue with our adopted timetable.
My ignoring and altering habits seem like minor enough offences

-  I sometimes stay up and socialise longer than my body would like to.  It says                                                                            
    tired now, time for sleep’.  I ignore it and stay up anyway.
-  I sometimes need to be up in the morning before my body would like to be, so I ignore
    it wanting more sleep, set an alarm and get it up out of bed anyway.
-  When I get downstairs and start getting breakfast ready, I’m a little less than sparky and
     ready for the day so I alter that with a cup of earl grey tea.
Minor offences I’m sure you’ll agree, when you think about the sugar, drugs, workaholic and shopaholic tactics I could be adopting to ignore or alter things.

Minor though they may be, I can’t help wondering what it might be like not to ignore or adjust all the time but to try life according to my body, what that would mean in practice and how different that is from what I’m doing now?

I’ve decided it’s time to find out.
I’m putting my body in charge for a week.
Next week!

I’ve chosen next week as it’ll be a little easier, it’s our school Feb half term holiday and my son is away snowboarding (the highlight of his year by far), so I won’t have him and his friends for tea.  A friend who regularly stays with us while working up this side of the country has her last day in that job today (Fri 9th Feb) and so won’t be joining me to eat next week either.  I’ve also kept the week fairly free of appointments so I’ll have as little as possible to dodge around.
I’ve thought about some of the things my body might like to have a say about like how much and when I work, eat, drink, sleep, sit quietly, exercise, and socialise.  I’m open to hearing things I hadn’t anticipated too.  I’m really looking forward to seeing what it has been trying to get me to do for years.

Have you a sense of how close or far away you are from your natural rhythms and how your body would adjust things if you let it?

I’m hoping to unearth my natural rhythms, (or at least my natural rhythms for a week in February), then we’ll see…….
Is it bliss?  Do I love it?  Am I converted? What am I going to do now?

All these answers and more…. find out how it’s going here at the blog. 

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

That's the traditional greeting.  In my Scottish days we'd not be sending you a
virtual greeting but standing on your actual doorstep along with an actual lump
of coal, some shortbread and a tall dark gent.
This really happened.  It was a gesture indicating we wished our nearest and
dearest, warm and comfortable whatsits and never to want for food and protection
in the forthcoming year.

It's called 'First Fittin' (or First Footing in English).  The first time you set
foot inside your friends, neighbours and relatives houses in the new year, this
is what you'd do.  They in turn would welcome you, your gifts, well wishes, hugs
and kisses and sit down with you for a little whisky imbibing,or whatever your
tipple was.
That was how the first day (or few days) of the new year were spent.
(Full of alcoholic but more importantly, full of soul).

Then consumerism arrived and we'd rush back to work, with shareholders eager to
grab the kind of spending that comes when everyones a bit more relaxed.
So...now on New years Day there's shopping and work. No soul. Ich.

Could we stop this please? 

When will we find a soulful moment now?  When will our thoughts turn to our wishes
for those close to us in the coming year?  I'm going for it this year.
No sales for me, but a New Years day spent in thought about what I wish for each
of my nearest and dearest in the coming year. What does my heart swell with when
I think of them?
There then...I have my wish for them.

Care to join me?

Don't forget yourself.  What do you wish for yourself in the coming year?

I wish for you, that which you wish for yourself plus the courage and strength
to clear out or work through everything that stands in your way.

They're not new years resolutions exactly, more like wishes, intentions maybe.
I find my desire to think ahead resolution style is very strong around my birthday,
(not till August), far less so now.  Having said that, I find it's slightly
more sociable to have one or two to offer up into regular conversation about now,
rather than the proverbial slap in the face of
"No I don't do resolutions".
I've usually got one or two things on the go that I'm heading for and they work
quite well as stand in resolutions.

Here's a few of my current stand ins.....

Clearing up Flo's skin.
My beautiful cat has a couple of uncomfortable little bits which I'm sure we can
work wonders with by rubbing in Aloe Vera Gel daily.

A flat(ter) stomach.
A slow weaning off of winter hibernating stomach and gently moving towards sight
of toes.  It's not that bad, but whilst remaining soft and yielding in a womanly
way I'm going for, shall we say, a little less overlap.

Best of son emergence.
Finding the 'interference versus welcome support' balance in his first gcse year
and thus magically bringing out the very best there is to be had from my
(remaining happy) son.

Soul versus output balance
Actually this is a serious one.  I wrestle on with the honesty of writing when
it's real and emerging versus the 'daily is good' for the search engine robots
marketing message.  I've sat consistently with writing only when there's something
alive and burning to be said but still have a 'if it's not coming daily it's not enough'
message running on.

We'll see.

I can honestly, really and with no hint of conformity wish you a very

Happy New Year! (and virtual coal, shortbread and tall dark gent to you too).      

      

Joshua's wish

Merry Christmas with a happy new year!!!

have a relaxing holiday  + calm and quiet peaceful days for at least a month!!

Best wishes!!!

From Joshua xxx

This is Joshua's Christmas wish for me and my son.  Joshua is my Godson, and he's 10 years old today!

'Happy Birthday Joshua'. 

(I would have liked to have posted his photograph here today, so he could have appeared with his sparkling eyes alongside his sparkling wishes, however the most recent photos I have of him show him doing the cha cha slide at his birthday disco on Saturday and not only do they not show his sparkling eyes, but he wouldn't let me post the photograph!)

Missing photo's aside........Do you share my high hopes for this young man?  I think I'd vote for this wee man.  I like the way Joshua thinks.  Not for him the 2 days off work we might take to cook, make beds, wrap presents and wash dishes late into the night and end up frazzled.

No no no!  We wish you "relaxing, calm, quiet and peaceful days for at least a month!"

I love the way it runs rampaging through any fixed notions of how long is long enough, rips up any rule book where someone (who claims to know on behalf of us all) declares what is 'reasonable' and how much is too much.

The answer is now obvious.... "at least a month"

I'm with Joshua on this one.  I think we do Christmas (and make lots of our life decisions) based on what we've done before or what seems reasonable or what's a reasonable compromise or what will stir up the least fear in our hearts.

I'd love to let Joshua inspire you to consider afresh what you're doing, how much money you're spending and how much time you're spending this Christmas.

Spending money.... To start afresh from the point where you work out how much money you can spend and still feel truly happy to be giving rather than left with a heavy heart and interest on your credit card for months.

How about working out what that figure is and then getting really creative about giving within that amount.

One family I know set a £20 limit on all gifts, another give one family gift instead of 6 individual ones, another have agreed no presents at all between some friends as it's a greater gift to recognise what would be stressful for each other.

One year when I'd just had some contracts cancelled, I spoke to all my friends about my predicament and each one was really happy to receive gifts I'd made for them rather than have me overstretch myself. I made truffles (they were divine), aromatherapy blends specially mixed for people's needs at the time and special biscuits for the children.  I even made the boxes and cards and my whole Christmas spend was £225, less than a quarter the normal amount.

Spending time..... to consider afresh how much time you're spending doing all sorts of things over Christmas and what sort of state of repair that will leave you in.  How much time can you spend with the family/in laws/yourself and maintain your mental health and good spirits? 

It's different for everyone and different for each of us at different times and phases of life so only you know what the answer is. As for time off...I'm loving Joshua's suggestion of "at least a month".

I heard a Radio 4 programme today about a woman who's stopped sending Christmas cards.

It made her heart sink to her boots to sit for hours writing cards to people, especially those she hadn't seen for 25 years and she suggested that we might only be doing it so we get loads back and have a nice big visual display of how popular we are. If you want to catch up with all your friends she suggested, have a party.

I'm doing it!  No Christmas cards....Radical!  No you know why you haven't received a card from me this year.  It's one of the Christmas rituals I have always loved.  I set aside an evening or two, mull some wine, play some Christmas music and burn some orange and spicy oils and really get in the spirit of Christmas.  But, this year, no...when I imagine doing it my heart sinks.  We'll see how things are next year.

They're all just ways of crafting things to suit you rather than going the traditional route for reasons we've maybe even forgotten.  Have a look at whether the things you're doing are still serving you well.

Then you can really and truly wish others a Happy Christmas and craft a really happy one for yourself.

Have a ball!

Best Christmas Ever!

Best Christmas Ever!

I’ve seen so many magazine articles in recent weeks promising the best ever Christmas….if I buy this or follow this step by step plan or do it the Delia way, I’ll have the best Christmas ever. Debenhams are advertising Christmas as designed by Debenhams…that’s getting close to blasphemous. 

I want to charge into the highly commercialised middle of it all and ask ‘Best ever according to whom exactly?’

I remember one year doing it the Delia way.  I’d decided I’d do the whole shebang.  Full traditional Christmas dinner with knobs on.  This was going to mean bringing a total of 10 things to the table at the same time all cooked and hot just for the main course alone, which was double my previous record of 5.  I was too scared to add in starters and pudding.  Some advice was needed and Delia and Good Housekeeping magazine were surely better qualified than anyone for the job.

I read through her carefully timetabled Christmas day plan some weeks ahead feeling relaxed and confident that Delia wouldn’t steer me wrong and even if it did mean turning up in the kitchen at the crack of dawn with my Christmas outfit and lippy already on (as there’s no time for bathing and preening in this schedule), I was still looking forward to it.

It wasn’t long before I realised I was going to need Gordon Ramsay’s veg peeling and chopping speeds to keep up with the schedule and by the time the 5 minutes allocated for ‘sipping a glass of sherry and opening presents with the family’ arrived I was seriously stressed, more than a couple of hours behind schedule and giving estimates of 8pm for eating lunch.

Safe to say, the Delia year doesn’t go down as my best ever.

It’s taken me many years to shake off the media version, or indeed anyone else’s version, of what a good Christmas looks like.

It’s been the most sagely of gentlemen, Thomas Moore, that has been my saviour.  He doesn’t do Christmas catering schedules but he did say this which I’ve been finding most wise council for pretty much anything, Christmas included.

“We have to decide for ourselves what’s nourishing to our souls, and do those things over others”.

Oh now!  What do you think?  Do we like Thomas?  Oh we do, we do!  I know he wasn’t talking about Christmas specifically but I think it applies very well don’t you?

With fresh eyes, am I, to Christmas delivered! (in sagely style you pronounce that last word deliver-red).

If you were to cast your eye over your Christmas, or prospective Christmas to be, to what extent do you find are you doing things that are nourishing to your soul?

I have already had my own, best ever Christmas, crafted to perfection from the things that were truly be nourishing to my soul that year.

That particular Christmas I had only myself to think of.  My son was with his Dad and both my parents departed.  My everyday life was filled in the daytimes with work and lots of people, followed by cooking quickly and clearing up before helping my wee man with any homework and then straight onto bath time and bedtime stories before getting back to housework, paying bills and then preparing for work the next day again.

When I thought about what I’d really like, I realised I’d be happy staying at home by myself, in my PJ’s all day eating mashed potato.  I knew that a must was to have no rushing at all, really nice food, but little or no cooking, time to savour everything and quiet and stillness in abundance. 

It was pure peace, full of savoured moments, with absolutely no stress whatsoever.  It was bliss and it went like this……….

I had one very dear and lovely friend over to stay for a couple of days. No crowds, no constant jabber and endless rounds of cooking, feeding, clearing up just in time to start again.

We got up when we woke naturally, no alarm, no turkey deadlines to meet, just allowing ourselves to sleep till we’d had all the sleep we needed.

Dressing gowns on, we got the fire going and got all cosy in the living room, and brought in the present opening refreshments…champagne and proper Scottish smoked salmon.

Present opening was luxurious.  One at a time, taking turns, we opened, admired, played with, listened to, drew a big deep breath of, sampled and fully appreciated each present.   

I had no idea what time it was and no need of knowing. 

More luxury Moddom?  Oh yes please.  Sinking into a divine smelling bath, big deep breaths of Caleche (my favourite perfume by Hermes), slathering on equally divine body lotion and feeling just gorgeous.

We were ready for some fresh air by then and to stretch our legs.  Lovely crisp air with some wonderful warm soft powdery Caleche wafts.  Meanwhile, the best sausages in the world tended to themselves in the oven.

We brought our glowing cheeks, stretched legs and nicely developing appetites back for sausages and mash followed by mince pies and brandy butter.  Just delicious.  Not so much food we couldn’t walk and barely any clearing up to do.  A bit of a curl up on the sofa with some port and cheese much later.   Peace, ease and luxury!

It stands unbeaten as my best Christmas ever for doing just what I needed at the time.  Let’s hear it for, at the very least, low stress and better still soulful Christmases.

 

Sculpt and craft your own best ever, no-one’s version but your own.

Would you like lots of people around, a few, one, none?

Would you like to be quiet, raucous, still, playing games, dancing?

At home, in the Alps, on the beach, at Grandmas?

Will you travel far and wide, some, none, in style, in a plane, train, car, on a sledge?

Are you feasting big-time, your table groaning under the weight of many, many platters, or dream of just a sliver of truffle on your handmade papardelle and the best Chablis you can lay your hands on?

Want to go and sing your little heart out at midnight mass?

Present opening in bed?

Want to wait till everyone’s arrived and then decorate the tree together like you did when you were tiny?

Or does none of it matter a bit, so long as you get to sit in front of a real fire talking for an hour or so with your old Dad?

How close is the actual Christmas you’ve got coming up, to your ideal, soul nourishing one?

Are you doing things because you’re telling yourself you have to, out of duty but grudgingly?

A grudging Christmas?  Hmmm, not doing it for me either.

Liberate yourself, and your family and friends too, from grudgingly doing anything this year.

Gather up all those that will be with you this year, let everyone describe their best bits, the bits that make Christmas for them, get creative and see how many can be accommodated if maybe someone was happy to come early to make all the beds, or are more than happy to stay sober to drive Mum to church at midnight on Christmas eve…. everyone getting at least their most favourite bit.

Once you get clear about what it would take to make it low stress for you it’s not usually beyond the wit of man to come up with how to do that.

Want lots of company and all the family together but without being a galley slave for the duration?

I know one family who each arrive on the day with a major contribution, one travelling the length of the county with a hot turkey taking up most of the back seat of the car, another all the veg and trimmings, another the starter and pudding, another all the wine and other drinks. The house hosts make the beds, the fires, the games, the music, the crackers and lay the table.  Once there, they stay another day or so and take it in turns to make meals and clear up so it’s all shared out, some like doing it on their own for a bit of quiet and others in pairs for a proper catch up.

Want to have everyone round but to have more harmony than arguments and moaning then how about signing up to this.

 

Make no complaint without suggestion.

If you need to come up with a suggestion before complaining about something, and have agreed not to complain at all if you can’t come up with a do-able suggestion, it can do wonders for your holiday atmosphere. 

So, if everyone’s yacking away, the TV’s on and there are radio noises too, drifting in from another room, the moaning version could come out as

“What a racket, I can’t think in all this noise”

The ‘no complaint without suggestion’ version might translate into;

Would anyone object if we closed this door to keep the radio to the other room?

Or

“Would anyone like to join me for a quiet walk for half an hour?”

Or

“I think I’m going to take half an hour’s quiet, in my room with my book”.

If something you dearly wanted to eat or drink has been forgotten but all the shops are closed and you can’t think of another way of getting some then you’d just

‘Hud yer weesht’ (hold your quiet or keep one’s mouth shut) as they say where I come from. 

   

Soul nourishing best ever Christmases……sculpt away.  Do let me know what makes up a soul nourishing Christmas for you and just how creative you’ve been to bring it about. e-mail me

Go Well

Pauline